How am I supposed to believe in anything? I lie, I say I believe. The truth is, I want to believe…more than anything. But my brain will continue to subconsciously, dissect you, and your words until I justify digging…up the bones…and the bones never ever give me peace…just more questions to dig…
I just need to vent a little. To say some things, to get some things out. Its late, and I have to work in the morning so I’ll try to be brief.
Abortion is an extremely personal issue it seems to everyone. The Christians push it ridiculously far in the wrong direction. Using shock values, and scripture. I was raised in church, and try to have a somewhat functional relationship with God.
If Christians would only understand that throwing God, damnation, and judgment doesn’t help or solve anything. There are so many hidden agendas and people who believe so strongly there is no way in knowing where the pragmatic answer is.
I’ve tried for over a year now to make a fool proof answer that applies. To place into words some thing just, pure and true. My personal point of view is very biased. I am a father. A father who was told for 19 weeks I would be having a child. And from the day the child was conceived it was loved.
I’ve been told by individuals on here that it is impossible for me to love a child that isn’t growing in me. And well, that’s wrong. These are my rights as a father. They may be few, and they maybe limited. But I know the love of a parent. The exact moment you love your child, your life changes forever. There is a glow, a light that you never knew existed. The piece of the puzzle you couldn’t fathom before knowing the love for a child.
From January 23rd, 2013 when I learned of my child, I endured hell. That hell did not let up for several months. I’m not a pity party seeker, nor do I feel my description is in the least bit dramatic. One day soon I plan to document it all. From beginning to end. I feel that it will help me process the severe amount of stress I endured then.
And I know, what about the child’s mother? Surely she endured stress. And I’m sure she did. I’m sure she endured a lot more than that. I’m still with her, and we heal daily from that horrible experience. I love her, and I’ve forgiven her for being deceitful and lying.
And I have searched my soul for this answer. This answer. There is this huge debate going on, with huge agendas. Where does the official buck stop. What’s right? What’s wrong? Surely its situational?
So what is it?
And before we get into “What if she was raped”? “What if there is medical issues that endanger the mother”? “What if the child will have no quality of life”? well that is up the choice of the mother.
And the answer is simply love. Love doesn’t have an agenda.
Abortions will never cease…That is not the goal or the process of the love I speak of. Yet, truthfully anyone fighting that battle with their pitchforks and torches needs to give up. Its silly to demand it be illegal. It just means the black market abortions will be more prevalent. Remember prohibition? Same thing. I say lets show compassion. Love is to care. To quite honestly give a damn. I don’t have the total amount of abortions performed every year. But that’s a large number of people and situations all of us on the whole could care less about. We don’t care why. Out of sight, out of mind. We don’t know the father of her child is married and asked her to do it. We don’t know she is 14 and scared. We don’t know if she’s going to regret it. More importantly, we don’t care.
Sure pro choice/ pro life people can get online and argue all day. Several valid points are made. Both sides. What is the point?
I know a friend of a friend who is planning to make that trip to the clinic tomorrow. She is 6-7 weeks. Both sides of the debate…how have you helped this young lady out? You haven’t! We live in a rural area. I know the reasoning in this situation to abort is the baby’s race. While interacial couples are common in this area, I don’t know if her family will approve. This is her choice. If you disagree, that’s okay. But don’t you dare judge her. I don’t mean that sarcastic. That’s the worst thing about pro life people…they judge so easily. So while the idiots are online being idiots arguing points that the other side doesn’t consider points…which makes the whole thing moot….guys. Think about it. Its moot, because no pro-lifer is going to say, “hmmm…you’re right”, and the same for pro choice individuals.
This girl needs compassion. No one person can say this is a right choice. Only this girl can. Is this a right choice? Will she regret it? I don’t know. I’m not God or any higher ruling power.
She has a problem. A decision she can’t consult anyone on because everyone has strong opinions that must be heard. When the reality of it is, she needs a hug. I’m sure a damn good cry, and a friend. Her choice is her choice, As society we need to give a damn. About her, her child, and their situation. Each number, and statistic deserves be a human. The mother and the child. And take your “a fetus isn’t a person yet” shit somewhere else. Because if the child is born it sure aint going to look like a hippo. It’ll be a human. Its my opinion that they are individuals in this as well. If you feel otherwise. You’re point will be moot as we discussed earlier.
Regardless if she goes through with it tomorrow. The solid, unavoidable truth is love. And if pro lifers and pro choicers would get that right. There would be no debate. After the abortion is done, and women often deal with an emotional toll. The pro lifer’s are judging, and the pro choicers don’t care. They just care about the next woman’s rights to abort. And before and after an abortion is when they need us the most.
I’m pro choice. Not the pro choice you’re thinking of. I choose to listen, not judge or throw my agenda to the women and men who have been changed by the abortion experience. Who are troubled in deciding to keep a pregnancy. And of course the children. I assure you, I love every one of them. Sometimes I just set and send all my love in my soul out into the universe towards the babies who are not named. Because everyone deserves love. I never know if it will make a difference, but it makes a difference to me.
And so I set. A feeling I’ve only felt one other time in my life. The night my child left this earth. A cold silent feeling come over me, and it is back tonight. As a man, I have loved the mother of my child through some very hard times. But that is the exact definition of love. To endure, the worst times. To try and understand someone’s heart, when there is no conceivable way that you can.
This girl doesn’t know I know what she is doing tomorrow. She’s told someone in confidence and I found out. I’ve been asked not to say anything. I respect that situation. Its not my business and I will not intervene. But tonight I send all my love to her and her child. If its their last day together, I understand and support them.
Because if you truly care about abortion, and the baby’s not yet born. You must care for the mother’s and you must care for their reasons for making such hard decisions. You should care to love them, and show them other options. You should then hold their hand no matter what.
Its not been an easy road. But for me and my abortion story. Love was the answer. I loved the mother of child, though her decisions shattered my world. I was rewarded with love in return.
I’ve typed for an hour, and got a lot off my chest. We all have opinions and I respect those opinions other than mine. Feel free to comment, but please be nice.
If you read it all, thanks for giving a damn :)
Brooklyn. Tomorrow should’ve been your birthday. If its nothing that I am. I try to be your legacy. Though you only were tangible for 4 months. I love you a lifetime. I’m so sorry that your mother hasn’t even acknowledged your day.
I try to make excuses, but I imagine you’re like me, and would rather have the blunt truth. I cannot speak for your mother. But actions speak louder than words.
You were nothing but in the way then, and a memory she would love to forget now. She has never shown remorse towards you. She seems to only feel bad that it hurt me. This world is not built to protect me or my rights towards you. In a lot of ways this helps a lot of women make their own decisions.
Love isn’t enough to make a difference. Not even the love of a parent for their child. I hope you understand that the outcome of losing you only increased my love and devotion towards you. Your person, your rights, and your soul. I can no longer fight for these things. The war is over.
Your memory Is alive. It is alive in me. I promise you that I will always save and cherish that. Tomorrow is your birthday. I’m sorry your brother’s birthday has over shadowed it. I do not know why I expected anything less. It is of utmost importance that you understand I am proud. That you will always be #1.
And if your mother fails to acknowledge this, it is yet again, her loss. You were never in the way. And she lost out on you.
If heaven exists, I’m sure you’re there. Wherever you are, whatever you’re doing. Daddy is your legacy. I will never let go, or forget. Happy Birthday. Come see me in my dreams. I will always hold you there. <3
It’s easy to thank god, with a healthy baby in your arms. It’s easy to forget the mistake when you hold the world in your hands.
Your everything was safe in sound when you purposefully took my everything away.
I think I’m a lot more sad than I’ve even let myself realize…
Rights…will be the absolute reason society will fall into oblivion…murderers sleeping warmer and eating better than some citizens of our great nation…greed tied to the cross with conservatives on some issues and the liberals on the next decide what is morally righteous…I long for the day when its the lord of the flies in America…not about rights…but survival…wrap yourself in the flag or the blood of Christ…call it rights…just because its socially accepted…doesn’t mean I care…
Coming up on the one year anniversary of the day my child was chopped up by forceps…I can really say…I don’t care about the issue of abortion as a whole…you want to kill your kids and be a fucking true blue American…idc…none of my business…I’m pro choice…but when it comes to my blood…I may be just a dad…and it isn’t my body…but I am pro life…and will fight to my last breath…to ensure the survival of my child…period.
Gawd bless murika…
Silly people don’t seem to understand, just because you’re depressed doesn’t mean you are sad.
Anonymous asked: I'm so sorry to hear about your daughter. You deserve to be a father, and from what I've read I believe you'd be a great one. Never give up your dreams of a family <3
Thank you…One day at a time…God always seems to give us what we want and need when its best for us…and I trust his wisdom and timing on when I can see two pink lines again and rejoice in parenthood.
Christmas seemed like it was going to be awful. And I know I mostly vent and complain….but I send peace and love across the galaxy…and spend my time missing her positively.
It’s like somethings whispering in my ear…just pretend it never happened…just pretend she was never here…